In the Clouds


“I’m not comfortable with this cloud technology,” I overheard the conversation between the two young men, as we walked through the new Adobe facility in Alpine, Utah. “You don’t own anything.”

The facility opened in November and it is a technological wonderland, from where Adobe hosts all of their Creative Cloud technology. Inside this building, there is a room that looked like my imagining of NASA’s control room. In this room, they monitor the “hits” on their cloud. The day before we were there, there had been over 18BILLION hits.

Today, as modern technology escalates and expands, companies are trying to find quicker, larger, more-better ways to support their clients. The “cloud” is their answer. However, the line of, “You don’t own anything,” is a line I have heard often in reference to these clouds that are now being launched around the world. Many people seem to be uncomfortable with them.

As with most new things, humans feel uneasy because we have been programmed to “stay safe” and “safe” = “same.” It is part of the reason women in marriages riddled with domestic violence stay in the marriage; that misery is known, and therefore, by some strange twist of DNA programming, it is safe.

Additionally, people like tangibility. They like to be able to touch, feel, hold and own whatever it is their money has purchased for them. Ironically enough, some of the biggest money making systems on the internet are multi-player role playing games like Second Life where everything purchased is virtual. However, this platform began in the virtual reality world so people accept that nothing is tangible there.

Out here in the “real” world, people want their stuff to be real too. This idea of purchasing something that is “supposed to be” yours, but which you never see, feel, taste, smell, or touch is understandably disconcerting. The longstanding program of “I work hard for my money” is still deeply ingrained in us, as is the old adage of “it’s only worth it if you have to work for it.” This latter thinking has been placed upon everything from romances to jobs to creative ideas to business endeavors – if it’s easy, it ain’t worth it. Really?

One of the most incredible things I’ve chosen into was releasing the pattern that I must. work. hard. for. everything. When I made this choice, I began to see things that would have normally overwhelmed me – and maybe, even, stopped me – become smooth as squishy butter. I’ve experienced my workload increasing, but time seemingly stretching to accommodate it. I’ve had more time to spend with loved ones, knowing that what “needed” to get done would get done.  And, even more exciting than that, I’ve had the opportunity to catch so many spectacular sunrises – and sunsets – where the sky has been blasted with ethereal colors and the clouds have glowed neon.

I’ve been able to catch these sunrises because I no longer dread waking up and getting started with each day. In the past, I hated mornings and I hated getting out of bed because everything about life sucked – because that’s how I was viewing it. Work was hard – I hated where I worked, hated my boss, hated my job all together. Getting to work was hard – I hated the drive, the other drivers, the damn road construction. Living where I lived was hard – I hated not having my own place, not being in charge of the house, having to abide by the rules and guidelines of others. My relationships were hard – I hated that people didn’t “pick” me, like me, and those who were “willing” to be my friend were incredibly life sucking for the most part.

All the way around, I hated my life. It was hard. It sucked. And it was, I discovered, a silent death wish. I discovered that my entire life was “out there,” beyond me, at the “control” of someone else. I was a victim living at the effect of the entire universe. My life, in effect, was wholly rendered in the clouds because I did not own one single aspect of it.

I chose to get accountable. Even for the hard stuff. That looked like me becoming accountable for the fact that I chose to marry a violent man and to live in a scary marriage for six years. That looked like me becoming accountable for the fact that I was not innocent in that marriage – there were times that I badgered him and pushed him to a violent reaction just to get something from him. That looked like me becoming accountable for my health, my body, my eating habits, and every single choice I had made, do make, and will make.

It sounds like a lot to take on all at once and, I’ll be honest, it is a lot to take on all at once. That is how I roll, however – play big or go home. You can take on these same commitments and do it bit by bit, rather than one huge chunk at once. That’s the cool thing about transformation – however it works for you is right for you! And, now, as I look out the window and watch that sun rise and the clouds gathering, I get to rejoice in the fact that my life is here, right now, in this body on earth.


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