Reading

“You, more than any other living person right now, are able to read me with stunning accuracy,” Lyn said. I immediately launched into an explanation of why that was even possible, brushing off her acknowledgment of me and, somehow, making it more about her.

I said something like, “I am able to do that because I have learned, through our relationship, to listen so closely to myself that I know when I am picking up on something, but I wasn’t aware of what I was picking up on until you made that little ‘mm’ noise and then it all wrapped up and I was able to see what you were thinking.”

I thought a lot about that conversation as the day rolled on. People with whom I am close, as of late, have said much the same to me and I have brushed it off. Several of them have felt nervous about the realization because then they began to think that I was reading them all the time. Each time one of them has brought that to my attention, I have felt the propensity to do everything in my power to assure them that I’m not reading them willy-nilly and all the time. I have a healthy respect for human boundaries, I attempt to convince them, and don’t invade another’s thoughts and emotions without their knowing and, definitely not, if we are not in agreement for me to do so.

However, what I realized just now is that I’m able to do it all the time and, actually, I do do it all the time – I’m just not conscious of it, nor do I blurt about what I “know” about them. I’m realizing that I have learned how to “hide” this skill so others do not feel uncomfortable all the time. So, in light of that, if I am doing it all the time, how can I possibly be respecting the boundaries of others???

As I sat with that question – because it is very important to me that I am in integrity with my Gifts and how I operate with them in the world – I came to understand that I am continually reading, but I only open up to knowing what I am reading when I am in agreement with the person to do so or when the emotions of the situation are incredibly heightened, so I am unable to ignore the strong impressions I receive or if there is something that the other person – or me – is hiding from, but I can see clearly through their emotions, thoughts and actions. In this last situation, I will generally ask the other person a question about what I am feeling to see if I can spark an awareness within them so they can bring consciousness to it themselves. If it doesn’t surface for them, I let it go and continue to look within me to see what it was that I could have been refusing to see in that moment.

After many years of guidance from my Reiki Master Trainer, I eventually brought my Gifts out of my healing sanctuary and into the real world to be active at all times for myself, rather than being activated only in my sanctuary and for the benefits of others. Because of this, I am always “on.” My practice has been to clarify my filters so that the information I do not need to see/hear – for whatever reason – gets cycled through and out into the universe without any lingering residue of knowing left within me.

What I’ve also discovered through being curious about how I could possibly be respecting the boundaries of others if I am always “on” is that there is a vast amount of trust in my relationship with Lyn on both sides. We’ve been through so much together and have honed a relationship of crystalline accountability and, therefore, there is a vast foundation of solid trust. Because I trust her implicitly and she does so with me, we are now able to connect soul-to-soul and mind-to-mind, which allows me to read her with stunning clarity.

I feel grateful for my relationship with Lyn because this powerful connection is showing me just how profoundly blessed I am. I have spent most of my life trusting others before and instead of myself, but in this relationship with her, I am learning to trust myself first. I am gaining experience with acknowledging my abilities, rather than denying them. I am learning to understand my abilities. I am seeing how magic unfolds in my realm naturally and effortlessly. I am experiencing awarenesses of when I have employed my Gifts in new ways, rather than ignoring them. I am able to see myself clearly through the mirror of this relationship and I am profoundly grateful for that gift.