My FB status currently reads:
Judging by the fact that I’ve been awake since 5am (after going to sleep at midnight) and the excitement I feel, I’m 4 years old and it’s Christmas morning.
I’m watching the minutes tick by, waiting for it to get “late enough” to wake my daughter and have her join in the revelry. I know she won’t be quite as thrilled as I am and there really is not sparkling Christmas tree and it’s already a lot hotter than it ever dreams of being on Christmas morning, but… something amazing is about to happen.
I haven’t spoke at all about the commitment space I am in (and I have been in it since July 10th) because there haven’t been words to describe this experiment. There’s still no words. All I know is, I have made a commitment with myself much like the I commit to being fully alive and living in my love commitment that I made a few years back, but on a much deeper scale. And the effect has been astounding.
The gratitude and love that I feel for myself and for this experience is luscious and enduring. I feel so blessed and I am especially grateful that I am willing to take this on. I have learned that being willing is the key for this life and when I finally (and reluctantly, at first) chose to allow and be willing, it made all the difference in my life.
So far, I have felt myself opening up and becoming aware of stuff that I, somehow, already know. Things that I would have once judged to be outlandish and impossible have become believable, doable and “normal” for my everyday life. It’s the “normal” part that has me most astonished and I actually say out loud, at times, “And this is normal now!”
I thought I would have more descriptive words to write, that I would be able to explain what, exactly, it is that I’m doing – how I’m being – and that I would have a way to share what is going on for me. However, here I sit, staring out at the darkened sky that has been kissed ever so slightly by the dawn and… I’ve got nothin’. *giggling*
That is also “normal.”