Coming to a Close…
I remember the joy I felt on December 31, 1984 as it was the first time I got to join in the New Year’s Eve celebration with my adult family members. I remember the peace I felt on December 31, 1992, as it was my first New Year’s Eve as a young, married woman. I remember December 31, 1999 and the sense of fear that coursed through the world as we waited for every system to collapse in the impending Y2K computer debacle. I also remember spending that night with my daughter and her daddy and feeling so blessed and comforted. I remember the quiet contentment of last year’s celebration with my best friend and our little family… the card readings… the gentleness of it all.
But this year, December 31, 2011, I feel so much excitement for what lies on the other side of midnight tonight. I know that it is just a tick of the second hand on a clock, but somehow it feels more monumental than any other tick of the second hand.
Perhaps it is because of all the doom and gloom that is floating through the air and me choosing to approach all that with positivity and peace. Perhaps the ravings of those who preach earthly destruction and the end of the world being near has turned my heart so far into Love it has created within me this Heaven on Earth. In truth, that is what I believe this life is about… creating your Heaven. Here. Now. Perhaps it is because I have finally done what I was taught as a child in church but could only do outside the confines of that same construct… draw near unto Me. Perhaps it is because my definition of that “Me” has grown so clarified and intensified over this year as I have explored my life, my creativity, my passions and my own healing.
Perhaps it is all that and more. What I know is that never before in my life have I known this sense of absolute certainty that, no matter what is on the horizon for me, my Loved Ones and all of the world, everything is exactly perfect in this exact moment.
This last year has taught me to step into my destiny and embrace who I am, no matter what I weigh or how I look. It showed me that I’ve rounded that corner that I have suspected was there for so long and that, when I did, it was, indeed, as glorious as I felt it was going to be. It provided me opportunities to understand myself more by opening my eyes to my beliefs about my sexual activity, my experiences of receiving answers from God and to look, once again, at my unanswerable question.
I began learning about how to have fun with my innate magical abilities, how to be grateful for my process compared to that of others who are leaving religion and how to practice discernment. I had strange alien experiences, ironic universal experiences and experiences where I think I’ve done it wrong, only to discover it was right. I’ve healed a wound that was over two decades old, visited memories sparked by a favorite song which gave me the opportunity to heal wounds inflicted by hurtful words, got clear on the true meaning of other songs and looked really closely at how I interact in this world.
I rode the waves of terror sparked by the media with reports of the US government crashing and the death of Bin Laden, which, as an empath with a worldwide reach, it was a tumultuous, terrifyingly visual ride.
Through my daughter, I tearfully learned that I am, indeed, a force to be reckoned with, that life can be extraordinary and that she is one of my favorite people for many reasons, but especially for her love of music and how that impacts our world.
I did a lot of stretching this year to uncover the truth of who I am and gain a deeper understanding of my magic and myself. I also began grasping the fact that I am SO DIFFERENT and that is actually a miracle. And I took a good, long look at how my life has turned out differently than I thought it would when I was thirteen. I also learned the amazing gift of chosen family, as well as being blessed with being born into the most wonderful biological family.
I was released as cohost from the Everyday Joy radio show and began my own Moments of Awakening radio show. I closed my healing sanctuary, witnessed my daughter’s middle school graduation and chose into an incredible birthday celebration. I spent an entire month in connection with my physical body and a lot of the first part of the year struggling with my numerical dyslexia. I looked into how I “do” relationships and had delicious experiences with two of the men I dearly love. I also began experiencing the power of my presence in public.
I felt anger and tender sadness, faced into and went through a lot of fears, experienced delicious happiness and recognized these emotions in each moment of this year, choosing into allowing the flow of them. I celebrated with drums and dancing. I rested. I created astounding art. I completed a masterful project and began sharing it with the world.
All in all, this year, 2011, has been an amazing year. One for which I am truly grateful to have lived. I’ve learned a lot, laughed a lot, cried a lot and grown exponentially. It has been a powerful 365 days. And I say thank you!
My sense is, the next 365 days will be all the more amazing and powerful. Bring it on!