Three Hundred, Sixty-Five Days

tearsI am unceasingly amazed by the after-effects of choices that, at the time, seem so inconsequential and irrelevant. That all that I once knew can be altered, removed, banished in a blink of an eye, making all that once was, never be again.

Today I am reminded of how life-shattering, life-altering, heart-breaking a split second choice can be. Today, I am reminded of holding my daughter as she cries inconsolably and without comprehension for what she has witnessed. Today, I am reminded of all that has changed in the last 365 days… the last 783 days. Today, I feel the sadness and shock of 365 days ago and the horror of 783 days ago all over again. Today, the pain is fresh, new, real. And, today, even though I am so different than I was 783 days ago and so much has changed in my life for which I am immensely grateful, I still wish there was something I could have done differently to change the string of events that began 90 minutes from now 783 days ago.

Even though I know it was not my actions that brought all this change upon us and even though it was something that simply had to be gone through, I do wonder how life would be today had all this change not happened. Where would I be? What would I be doing? And, at the same time, I realize that those kinds of questions are futile, they still float in and out of my mind at the oddest of moments.

783 days ago, when that phone rang and I began to learn about all that had happened that morning, I could have never guessed the full impact of those moments. I couldn’t have foreseen this future. And from that, I learned that, even though I am blessed with the Gift of Sight and Knowledge, there are still some things I cannot see – or am not allowed to see – and three hundred, sixty-five days from now… life will be new again in a way that I cannot yet fathom because I have no frame of reference.

The trick is to see the blessings within all that has happened during the last 783 days…


2 responses

  1. If I ever were to have a headstone (and I won’t) it would say, “Where we have been is who we are, It’s all about the Journey.”

    The hard knocks and sweet spots of our lives bend and mold each and every one of us. It is how we respond that makes us a better / sadder person than we were a moment before.

    It’s all about the journey.

    November 4, 2011 at 6:40 pm

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