Moisture is seeping from the sky today in a smattering of invisible rain that is hidden from the eye upon falling but can be witnessed by the liquid gathering in droplets upon the branches and gently dripping to the ground. The street sparkles, renewed from the rain and the sky is heavy-laden with gray clouds. I witness this and realize that parts of me feel like this inside, other parts are the sun. It is a delicious mixture of sensations.
Today, I am grateful for… the rain * positive, uplifting music to remind me of the truth of who I am * crumbling, crashing and dismantling then taking a nap wherein my soul communes with God and I wake refreshed, renewed and aware of MY truths * knowing that He made me just as I am because I am needed – just as I am * knowing that I asked for this processing * knowing that I will continue to close the gap – that is my practice now – between victim stance and god essence * knowing that I am NOT the victim who was triggered so strongly Friday night, but rather I AM the gentle essence I feel within me today * knowing that I showed up as a victim so big on Friday because I am so scared by what I am capable of and, for a moment, I needed to protect myself from myself * learning about what I am capable of is all at once terrifying and awe-inspiring * my former husband because, through all of this, what I am uncovering now, learning now and embodying now is everything he saw in me to start with * his methods of delivering his messages that kept me in the dark until just. the. right. moment. I am, indeed, so very grateful for that and feeling immense love for him.
I am gentle, loving and… exactly perfect in all my flaws. Thank you, God, for the reminder.