Giving and Receiving

I’d like to take a moment to share a thought I had this morning as I was driving my car on a new set of tires that were provided by a friend who owns an auto repair shop. He knew I couldn’t pay for them right now, but he wanted me to be safe. He gifted them to me, saying, “If you can pay and when you can, it will be exactly perfect.”

I cried for days after that happened. And, even though it has been over a month, I still tear up each time I walk toward my car and spy the new tires. I am grateful for their thick tread. I am grateful for their traction. I am grateful that they are devoid of slow leaks. I am immensely grateful…

It was REALLY difficult for me to receive that gift, but it was even more difficult to ask for his help. Honestly, when I asked for his referral to someone I could trust, I had no idea that it would turn out the way it did. And, when it did, I was humbled and… well… honestly… a little embarrassed.

Embarrassed because I couldn’t provide the safety for myself – I didn’t have the money to. And… I hate that.

Things have been so strange this year. No work. And the work that I do find doesn’t pan out in the way that it is first presented so the money never follows. Going back to school full time has NOT provided the answer either – I still haven’t figured out how everyone “lives” on student loans while going to school full time and not working.

At any rate, this isn’t the direction I wanted to take my post. Where I’m going with this is… as I was feeling waves of gratitude again this morning for my friend’s sincere and generous gift, I thought “I am so grateful for receiving this gift.”

And then I heard a voice from somewhere deep in the recesses of my being: Not only did you receive, but you gave.

I was quite confused by that comment and took a breath to allow it to settle into my brain so that the understanding could follow it. I waited. I asked that silent seemingly all-knowing space, “How? I don’t understand. How did I give a gift in this situation?”

You gave by ALLOWING him to give.

The simplicity of it took my breath away and tears spilled down my cheeks. Then this song started and it all was absolutely perfect…

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