A Simple Prayer
A Simple Matter
The energy in the room was palpable as the individuals around me got centered in their power. Our goal was to honor ourselves without performing or attempting to engage a response from those who were in witness of our ceremony. The room filled with the movement and sound of those in the center, the aliveness bouncing off the walls and reverberating endlessly.
As I crouched close to the ground, feeling frightened and unsure of myself, I closed my eyes and leaned my forehead against the carpet. Suddenly, the world blinked out around me. All sound and external movement stopped. I found myself in a still void of curiosity and I wondered where I had gone. I sat with that a few long, quiet moments and realized that, without even trying, I had landed directly in the center of my power.
My song came deep from within me, resonating through every cell in my body with a gentle vibration. One long, fairly high-pitched tone of “Mmmmmmmmmmmmmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh…”
The sound moved me and I slowly rose from the ground, following the vibrations in the sound. It moved me to connect with the observers and I focused on my intent of centeredness as I stood before each person. I felt surprised that I could stand before them and be present with them without leaving my center, without needing their approval, without even needing them to connect to me.
Halfway through my process around the room, another person joined the center and, from behind me, began her connection to her power center. It was a loud process – very, very loud. And it startled me into fear immediately. I realized that her sound, to my ears, sounded like violence. Part of me knew she had tapped into her anger and that triggered my old program of “anger equals violence.” Although she was not being violent, the sound was enough to send me spiraling into the depths of fear. I was surprised to see the memories sparking on in the growing, inky blackness of my fear and felt confused because, until that moment, I had believed that I had completely dissolved the old program.
I felt unexpectedly disoriented and insignificant. I felt far from powerful and I wanted to run and hide. From somewhere in the part of me that was holding onto my power with a tenuous grip, I heard, “How do I find my power in the face of this fear? How do I stay in my power when another’s anger triggers my fear of violence?”
Realizing that I was floating into the ethers, connected neither to myself or the person I stood before, I physically spun back into the center of the room to where I had begun. I realized that it was imperative for me to find the connection to my power in this violent moment. I stopped moving and noticed I was not breathing, nor was I toning. I breathed deep, placed one hand on my chest, one hand on my belly and dropped my chin, closing my eyes.
I went into my center with surprising speed, the sound of the violence closing in all around me.
“MMMMMMMMMaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh…” I felt it before I heard it. The sound of my power rose and I followed it, allowing it to come to fullness and burst forth with the big smile that I felt light up every inch of me.
With closed eyes, I began moving with the sound, landing in who I am and feeling it, even though my fear lingered around the edges of my lightness. From behind me, I heard her fall. I heard her cry out with pain, saying, “I really hurt my knee.” I felt people rush to help her and, still, I continued pulling myself in until I could touch that spark that was there, glimmering and waiting for me to acknowledge it.
The spark ignited fiercely and I shivered with the heat as I moved to once again connect with the observers. I finished my process, knowing that I was now able to stand in my power when in fear and, especially, in the face of another’s anger or violence. I learned how to get into my power easefully. I learned how to do that while surrounded by what I perceived as violence. I realized that facing into that great fear and calling forth my power while doing it was one of the quickest ways of unraveling the cell memory of “anger equals violence.” I understood that I can feel afraid and powerful at the same time. And I discovered the astonishing fact that I have the ability to be in my power at all times.
It’s simply a matter of choice.
©Angie K. Millgate 1/25/09