Soooooo… I was going through my “edit posts” screen and found this post that never got posted. It was originally written on 12/18/08…
I’ve discovered that when I allow myself to go fully through the emotions in that moment that I come out of it really quickly and am able to find the light and breath of life with ease. My mentors have often said that, if you allow your emotion to be fully expressed at the time it arises it will move through in a matter of as little as 20 seconds and only as long as 20 minutes, versus the 20 or so years that some people take to move an emotion. I have pondered that a lot and have tested it, finding it to be true. True, honest, core emotions – sad, fear, anger – can move through in lightning speed if I allow it.
My journey through anger and sadness yesterday was a roller coaster ride. That is another thing I have discovered. Emotions can come in waves, especially when a “trigger” keeps reappearing. I spent most of my day yesterday feeling the emotions all the way through and then seeking compassion for the mother who was having a conniption over the illegal-ness of my class proposal.
See… her husband has been battling cancer for eight years. She is working full time, supporting him, supporting their child and spearheading one of the most visible and busy committees in the school. I imagine she’s tired and scared and strung out thinner than even she realizes. I imagine that the slightest speck of dust in her precisely-oiled wheel of life causes great consternation. My forward-thinking proposal for an elective class – on a topic she doesn’t believe in or understand (and, let’s face it, that a majority of the US does not believe in or understand and finds highly controversial) – was a huge clump of dust flying at her spokes.
I get that she felt scared for the school. I understand that she is looking out for the welfare of our amazing Open Classroom, protecting us from “bad media” and the State Legislature breathing down our necks. So, I now understand the fuel that was propelling that monstrous outburst yesterday.
After talking about my proposal all day long yesterday with so many different people, I feel excited for what’s around the corner. There will be endless discussions with numerous committees and lawyers over the next few weeks while we, who are in full support of this class, move forward to bring it to pass. It won’t be on the roster for the second semester. However, I am confident we will get it there for the third semester and the response is going to be overwhelming. Because, as we have seen with controversial movies and such, publicity about something being controversial raises interest. I know that with big change comes huge resistance. Therefore, I am thinking I must be totally on to something. I have opened the floodgates of evolution and feel excited for the journey forward.
And… in other news…
In the midst of all the drama yesterday, I had a moving experience with the children of the Open Classroom. We walked several blocks to The Leonardo museum to view the BodyWorlds3 Exhibit. I had no idea how I was going to react to the human bodies. However, when I walked in, I was breathless with wonder and awe and surprised by the immense beauty of the human creation. I found myself tearful and reverent and worshipful as I meandered from body to body, gazing at the miraculous construction of the human form from within.
Tears slowly rolled down my cheeks as my daughter and I walked through the Fetus room, looking at fetuses in stages from 5 days to 35 weeks. That room had been deemed “too controversial” so the children were not able to enter unless their parent was a chaperone that day. My daughter was grateful I was there and she leaned over to me and whispered, “I can feel Adrianna here.” The babies were serenely beautiful and I felt a deep yearning to touch each one, love them and hold them.
I felt grateful and fully, magically human as I walked through the displays of bodies that no longer showed age or stress. They were just there, on display, in all their original, mysterious majesty and I was moved. I felt grateful that someone had discovered plastination and completely wide-eyed, jaw-dropped engrossed in every display, especially those that contained the circulatory system. I love that some man’s imagination (Gunther von Hagens, Institute for Plastination, Heidelberg, Germany) led to this amazing exhibit. What a generous gift he has given the world and all who are willing to partake.
It was a strangely awe-inspiring day yesterday, from beginning to end. And I love that I can go through all that I did and still go to bed (early) last night with a contented smile on my face.
Life IS good!