What Is My Body For?
A while back, my Reiki Master Teacher, Laiya Moniak, facilitated a session for me where we bumped up pretty stiffly against my walls of self-protection which are turning inward and developing a destructive force. For a long time now, I have had this “Hate Affair” with my body, seeing it as my enemy, rather than my ally. Its cumbersome form is getting the best of me and I feel scared, as though some alien force is at the helm of my ship. This disconnect, this need to be disembodied and absent from my physical form, has resulted in me placing myself in some dangerous situations. And, as I commit to moving forward, I am realizing that this particular program has got to change.
I feel inspired to share here my most recent exercise with her as part of my “Progression Into Beauty” work… (for a directory to the rest of the posts within this work, CLICK HERE.)
What is my body for?
You asked me this question and I felt lost, confused, unknowing. And then I felt scared. It is my body, for godsake! How can I not know what my body is for?
I have carried your note with me since that session, moving it continually forward to the next day, saying, “I’ll get to that tomorrow.” Well, tomorrow never came. Until now. And, interestingly enough, right after I wrote “until now,” my daughter called me. I have the impulse to say that one of the most important things that my body was for was creating her. And, I also understand that the answers we are searching for are different than that… I get the sense we are looking for present tense answers.
I feel scared…
“Can you find ten things that your body is for?” You had asked me and then added, “Can you find one thing that you will not judge?”
Yeah… I feel really scared. Here we go…
My body is for weighting (I heard “waiting” and wanted to type “waiting” but my fingers typed “weighting”).
My body is for carrying pain.
My body is for gathering information.
My body is for housing my healing gifts, my Reiki energy, my psychic powers.
My body is for enjoyment through my senses – especially hearing and touch.
My body is for holding on to old things.
My body is for flowing movement.
My body is for holding fear too close.
My body is for resting.
My body is for embracing.
My body is for luxuriating. (really?)
My body is for channeling information for myself and others.
My body is for understanding.
My body is for creation.
My body is for going to the movies. (found this one quite funny)
My body is for stuffing. (ick)
My body is for observing.
My body is for protection.
My body is for karma.
My body is for back stepping. (Aaaaaaaa… feel sad about this one)
My body is for unfulfilled yearnings. (sad about this one too)
My body is for connection.
My body is for profit. (WTF?! Totally judging this one.)
My body is for being in the sun.
My body is for laughter.
My body is for creating money. (NOT! Judging this one.)
My body is for repressed anger. (total resonation)
My body is for living.
My body is for travel.
My body is for comfort.
My body is for large emotional boundaries. (wow)
My body is for reaching out, but not grasping. (sad)
My body is for no return on investment. (What???!)
My body is for ease but I don’t believe that. (lol! That is exactly what I heard!!!)
My body is for copulation. (God! I hate that specific word – sounds so scientific and disconnected – although I love sex. I am curious why that word is the one that came up!!!)
My body is for rejoicing, singing, dancing, climbing, loving. (these all tumbled out together, one right after another faster, almost, than I could type)
My body is for rising above. (curious about this one.)
My body is for eating.
My body is for fulfillment.
My body is for joy.
My body is for weaving sparkling, beautiful ribbons of color in the world. (curious what this means.)
My body is for taking one step at a time.
My body is for listening.
My body is for holding.
My body is for being.
Okay… so that was way more than ten. I chose to put on meditative music and do this with my eyes closed. On each line, I silently asked, “What is my body for?” and typed the words, “My body is for,” and then would wait. I channeled whatever word, sensation, image or experience came to me and If anything came up after writing the sentence, I jotted that down too.
I am noticing right now that I feel a lot of repressed anger in my body, especially on my left side. My jaw is in raging pain across my whole face and feels like it is in lock-down. My muscles along my spine from mid-back to my ear are clenched on the left side. My left ear is burning. My sacral-iliac joint on the left side is pulsing painfully. My right leg from hip to toe is ice cold. My mouth is dry. My head feels like it weighs a ton and like I cannot hold it up for the life of me.
I haven’t read through the list, but am going to now before I send this off. If anything else comes up, I will make note of that. (Interesting… just as I finished “make note of that,” former husband called and I instantly felt all those anger symptoms skyrocket)